THE LOVES OF MY LIFE PREPARE TO LEAVE…
…I fear I shall never see them again…anguish and despair overcome me, no idea what I’m going to do without them…well that’s pretty selfish, nothing new there with me always thinking of me me me as I drift off into one of my many simpering, self-pitying harangues…well, it soon passes and life is still good even if it’s not as good as it was…there's an unfillable void where they stood...
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
I'm not exactly a great role model...
…unless how-not-to is the template…cracks me up; wears me down too, the weight of life is sometimes enervating but often as not fun and exciting…you get knocked about quite a bit before you get it right then it comes as a shock like it happened over night…meanwhile six and a fucking half decades have come and gone, now: chickens come home to roost, pay back, time is up…in the words of my buddy Killer, ‘You’ve cheated the hangman for a long time…’
THERE'S NOTHING I DON'T KNOW...
...about drinking. Nothing…and you can give me any test you like and I will prove my, ah, boast; well, it's not a boast it's true. In actual fact, since my first beer around 1957-58, being conservative in my estimate, I have probably drank up (using 55-gallon drums as a benchmark) about - GOOD CHRIST!- 5 of them. How can it be?! I should be dead long ago and we haven't even tossed in a couple barrels of Jameson's and a variety of other rotgut liquors, not to mention a half-barrel of Kahlua…I don't do it anymore, drink to excess, rarely even drink although I like Michael's homemade Dogbolter and/or a Guinness occasionally, but no more by the case lot and no liquor either...well (whisper, whisper) more or less, but I do love those Mudslides...
…if you drink too much you're going to get wet brain and babble on like a bloody fool (ahem), your liver will fail you - don't think it won't, and you'll stumble and fall, get battered and bruised, smash up your car(s), go to jail, go to the morgue. Diminished capacity as a way of life…as a drunk the route is necessarily circuitous so you'll have lots of laughs along the way but all in all you're the big loser; in the main, though regrets I have a few, I think I learned more from those wasted years than I ever could have picked up in a classroom but how valuable these lessons are who is to say?
…these are some of the things awaiting you with each bottle you decant, and don't be misled into thinking that because you drink expensive wines from Bordeaux from your very own wine cellar beneath your chateau, and not Old Duke from a cheap tin flask, that you're any less of a drunk.
THERE'S NOTHING I DON'T KNOW...
...about drinking. Nothing…and you can give me any test you like and I will prove my, ah, boast; well, it's not a boast it's true. In actual fact, since my first beer around 1957-58, being conservative in my estimate, I have probably drank up (using 55-gallon drums as a benchmark) about - GOOD CHRIST!- 5 of them. How can it be?! I should be dead long ago and we haven't even tossed in a couple barrels of Jameson's and a variety of other rotgut liquors, not to mention a half-barrel of Kahlua…I don't do it anymore, drink to excess, rarely even drink although I like Michael's homemade Dogbolter and/or a Guinness occasionally, but no more by the case lot and no liquor either...well (whisper, whisper) more or less, but I do love those Mudslides...
…if you drink too much you're going to get wet brain and babble on like a bloody fool (ahem), your liver will fail you - don't think it won't, and you'll stumble and fall, get battered and bruised, smash up your car(s), go to jail, go to the morgue. Diminished capacity as a way of life…as a drunk the route is necessarily circuitous so you'll have lots of laughs along the way but all in all you're the big loser; in the main, though regrets I have a few, I think I learned more from those wasted years than I ever could have picked up in a classroom but how valuable these lessons are who is to say?
…these are some of the things awaiting you with each bottle you decant, and don't be misled into thinking that because you drink expensive wines from Bordeaux from your very own wine cellar beneath your chateau, and not Old Duke from a cheap tin flask, that you're any less of a drunk.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
IT AIN’T ILLEGAL, OR EVEN BAD, UNTIL YOU GET CAUGHT…
…then, can you believe it, the accused suddenly is filled with remorse - it was a mistake…very remorseful your honor, isn’t the real me…had I only known I never would have done it, etc – but only once ‘they’ (I/you/we) get found out, then in sets the regret, the restitution, the oily and sycophantic pledges to reform, etc. to dodge the truth of the matter, which is guilty, guilty beyond all get-out, there was guilt, however, only because (I/you/we/they again) got bagged…I shan’t speak for you, so you’re excused, I mean me of course, it’s always me me me in my world…hmmm…where was I…o yeah, banging on about time spent in another life - the money was good, if I hadn’t got caught I’d still be doing it…
“ONLY THROUGH GUILE…”
…I exclaim to The Fool In The Mirror, “…have you gotten this far!” Hmmm…I wonder, is guile what I mean? I’ll leave it to Merriam-Webster and with a hoot bark out a laugh, “Just what I had in mind,” I say, deceitful, cunning…too funny and, also of course, not funny at all…
A TOMASO ALBINONI OBOE CONCERTO…
…is so so pretty I am weak in the knees like a young fellow gets just before he gets to kiss his little girl friends lips for the first time, first for both, a sweet moment that lasts nearly 60 years…that kiss and this concerto are inextricably entwined…
HOW COULD IT HAVE COME TO THIS…
…I holler and instantly follow it with a shouted, ‘HOW COULD IT NOT!!?’
O, o, to have known then what I know now.
…then, can you believe it, the accused suddenly is filled with remorse - it was a mistake…very remorseful your honor, isn’t the real me…had I only known I never would have done it, etc – but only once ‘they’ (I/you/we) get found out, then in sets the regret, the restitution, the oily and sycophantic pledges to reform, etc. to dodge the truth of the matter, which is guilty, guilty beyond all get-out, there was guilt, however, only because (I/you/we/they again) got bagged…I shan’t speak for you, so you’re excused, I mean me of course, it’s always me me me in my world…hmmm…where was I…o yeah, banging on about time spent in another life - the money was good, if I hadn’t got caught I’d still be doing it…
“ONLY THROUGH GUILE…”
…I exclaim to The Fool In The Mirror, “…have you gotten this far!” Hmmm…I wonder, is guile what I mean? I’ll leave it to Merriam-Webster and with a hoot bark out a laugh, “Just what I had in mind,” I say, deceitful, cunning…too funny and, also of course, not funny at all…
A TOMASO ALBINONI OBOE CONCERTO…
…is so so pretty I am weak in the knees like a young fellow gets just before he gets to kiss his little girl friends lips for the first time, first for both, a sweet moment that lasts nearly 60 years…that kiss and this concerto are inextricably entwined…
HOW COULD IT HAVE COME TO THIS…
…I holler and instantly follow it with a shouted, ‘HOW COULD IT NOT!!?’
O, o, to have known then what I know now.
Monday, December 8, 2008
A concatenation of conflicting events...
…and POOF! – 65 years pass in a heartbeat eliciting a withering stare from the Fool In The Mirror, a look that would freeze the nuts off a steel bridge…’This what you end up with…’ Two rooms in a pre-nursing home facility, a very nice one mind you for which I am decidedly more than grateful but, like most of us here, would rather be in what were our homes elsewhere, when we were young…well, this is what we’re left with, two rooms half full and a small storage facility, all of it not worth $5000, so from the fiscal standpoint it ends up not so good, but Dude! I’ve spent a fortune, hardly any of it mine…in some cases I’m still getting bills, some of which money could pay off but moral debts born of character flaws cannot be repaid in my considered opinion…
…later, I leave home at 9:22 and @ 2:30 I am back here after a very nice dinner and visit with my/our Dear Old Mom - in a dining room with at least 25 people, maybe more...there was an undercurrent of cluttering plastic teeth, ancient people murmuring nonagenarian doggerel and the clanging of dishware and waitresses and families darting in and out but it was fine...I get here and see that they are having a celebration in the lobby, I figured it wouldn't be over for awhile so for an hour and a half went and sat watching the river flow...but I wanted to get home so I came back and came up here going by - all mashed in together in this diminutive lobby, 15 or so people chowing down and Happy Thanksgiving-ing me and me them and I strode on thru to the elevator and made it back; this may not be home in the sense of home is where the heart is but it is where I live and I was plumb happy to be back amongst my Friends & Neighbors...
…still later…I was just looking over the seven deadly sins and I think I got ‘em pretty well covered, here they are in case you want to research yourself: 1. Lust, check; 2. Gluttony, check; 3. Greed, o yeah; Sloth, been there, am there; Wrath, o please don’t go there; Envy, one of my lesser sins and Pride too, I am not prideful, at least I don’t think I am…but I am guilty in varying degrees of all.
…so then we turn to the seven virtues…hmmm, 1) Chastity…did not remain chaste very long and really haven’t been since until illness struck me down and I now flaunt my new-found medically-necessary chastity as a good thing; don’t believe it…then there’s, 2) Temperance of which I’ve never been accused, and 3) Charity which I will say I am that, charitable, so there’s one in my column, quickly superceded by, 4) Patience of which I have little, 5) Kindness which I have in abundance if I do say so myself, 6) Humility which I am anything but humble - I am always – including here – looking for praise or remuneration or something for my efforts…which may be just being a little hard on myself. And lastly, 7) diligent, it depends, I can be.
…still later…I was just looking over the seven deadly sins and I think I got ‘em pretty well covered, here they are in case you want to research yourself: 1. Lust, check; 2. Gluttony, check; 3. Greed, o yeah; Sloth, been there, am there; Wrath, o please don’t go there; Envy, one of my lesser sins and Pride too, I am not prideful, at least I don’t think I am…but I am guilty in varying degrees of all.
…so then we turn to the seven virtues…hmmm, 1) Chastity…did not remain chaste very long and really haven’t been since until illness struck me down and I now flaunt my new-found medically-necessary chastity as a good thing; don’t believe it…then there’s, 2) Temperance of which I’ve never been accused, and 3) Charity which I will say I am that, charitable, so there’s one in my column, quickly superceded by, 4) Patience of which I have little, 5) Kindness which I have in abundance if I do say so myself, 6) Humility which I am anything but humble - I am always – including here – looking for praise or remuneration or something for my efforts…which may be just being a little hard on myself. And lastly, 7) diligent, it depends, I can be.
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