Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Random "...NOTES..." From Wrinkled Scraps...


‘Companion Wanted’: Aging, balding, fat, penniless, (nearly) toothless reprobate looking for rich widow, need not be much to look at, prefer that you should be considerably older than me, 80-85 a good place to start, weight of no consequence, failing health a plus; interested responders should include notarized portfolio and cash-on-hand stats…dopers okay, drunks too (…bring enough for two, no basket cases need apply, one is plenty, no collect calls from pay phones where your shopping cart is parked…)


…I was once the Vermont State junior diving champion back about 1957 – svelte, graceful and agile I swam & swan-dived my way to victory lane and even though I didn’t win any gold medals I had fun; the hoopla was great, with dinner at the state house and meeting the pols of the day…fast forward about 15 years and I am busted in New York for a marijuana rap and sent off to cool my heels in jail for a bit, an offense which cost me $600 in fines, $1800 for a mouthpiece and added to my rap sheet…fast forward 35 more years and we have this kid Michael Phelps…he’s lost quite a bit more money than me and got lots more publicity and notoriety than I have received but Michael, Dude – guys like me paved the road for guys like you…and I am here to tell you – in the aggregate it’s been The Highway To Hell!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

In the interest of maximum diversion..

…of a quick nature I hastily tap off a few e-mails inquiring of a trio of Friends/Family what a mimosa was, other than a plant, for I had heard it was of an alcoholic nature and thrilled to the idea…diminished capacity on the cheap…

Here are their suggestions:

“Let's simplify this, take the champagne and take the container of orange juice and put them on the table take two straws and put one in each container, drink from them both at the same time, thus a mimosa of sorts…” Love, Chip Tooth

Dear "f. i." (editer’s note, “f. i.” = former inebriate) add a good splash of an orange liqueur - triple sec, grand marnier, there are others. Upscale brunch places use fresh-squeezed so I'd get the pulpy variety of OJ that comes in a carton…there's a good & relatively inexpensive Spanish champagne "Freineix", something like that - but may not need to use such a good one since you are mixing…bottoms up! Love Allison

Below is what we are (were) talking about…
“This is so funny, I can't remember if it’s 3/4 of a glass of OJ with a quarter of champs or the other way around! Experiment!!!” Ann

Well, I don’t mean to sound or read like a spokesman for California champagne and Florida orange juice but I dutifully got out my best champagne flute and mixed and matched till sense and sorrow both were drowned, $25 is a cheap date…

Sunday, February 1, 2009


…I can’t help but laugh at the irony of everything. In my head capillaries are about to explode like a string of lady fingers, my lungs are failing, metamorphic body is about to topple over wobbly pegs, having reached tipping point…cancer, copd, emphysema – all after me, trying to rend me dead, each in its turn waiting to minister the final blow, the last breath, the death rattle, but like Dennis the Cowardly Lion (below) sez of me, “…you’re a tricky bastard…”
…Dennis (above) was talking about cribbage but metaphorically in life it amounts to the same thing, you just keep bobbing and weaving and hoping you can cut a see how easily NFTD segues from the mundane – one’s whimpering ailments – to the serious – cribbage, at which Dennis is very good, but so am I…alas, he wins more than I do but he often has his hands full.

…one time I played Larry who is also a very good cribbage player and he ended up beating me, but it was a struggle and his high praise to me, as Dennis’ above, was “You lose hard,”…which cracked me up, so I have to say of the cribbage players I have played in my life, the best is the Cowardly Lion even though he’s not as good as he thinks he is, followed by Larry, ditto not as good as et cetera, followed by me ditto ditto…it’s not just a game, it’s a way of life.