Sunday, March 16, 2008

The letters I could never seem to write...

…the conversations I have had only in my mind, the paintings I didn’t and won’t get around to painting, the stories that never got written, the songs I never sang and the things I wanted to be but aren’t, have all gathered together to haunt me late in life now that my faculties are failing and my mind is going frail…I’m not unhappy where I am in this world but it is not where I thought I’d be, which actually I don’t know that I gave it much thought at all, certainly there was no long-term planning – who in their right mind would plan to end up a sick derelict in an independent living facility? – hmmm, ’…in their right mind…’ – maybe I’m not in my right mind and have never been, well, what can I tell you, what you see/saw is what you get/got; nowadays, it’s helter-skelter planning, if it’s more than 24 hours from now Dude it’s out of my sphere of reference, cannot relate, I am presently only living in the present.

…ah yes, The Present…’Everything is here and now’ - it was ever thus but I only paid it lip service – maybe today, now! – I will write that letter, sing that song et cetera…ahhh me, if only I had, if only I hadn’t, I could’ve, I would’ve I should’ve…why, why, why didn’t I…why, why, why did I? I would love to trade some of what I have for some of what I missed.

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