Notes From The Dump

ONE TIME WHEN I WAS A KID…

…and knew a lot more then than I know now I was boosting some Midnight Auto Supply ground effects from a new car dealer, prying eight hubcaps and four fender skirts off two very fine 1957 Black Chevy Bel-Air convertibles, I shoulda took a whole car but I was more petty then and noisily pried the hubs off with the thought in mind that I could sell them at The Green Door in the morning – they’d be worth quite a few pitchers and cheeseburgers for the day, but as I start to gather them up and sneak away I am interrupted by a basso profundo growl; from the top porch of a three-story walkup, I hear – ‘We got your license number, is there anything else you want?!’ - and Dude I tell you for a split second it rained hubcaps and there was an incredible cacophony of metal clattering to the pavement as I scrambled to that idling old Studebaker and sped away into the waiting arms of the law…I fought the law and the law won…

THIS IS A LONG OVERDUE, SORT OF SOTTO VOCE DISCUSSION WE NEED(?) TO HAVE…

…who gives a shit? See what I mean? This is not just some festering scatological detritus we are dealing with…shit can save us…(WHAT IS this fool banging on about?! You may well ask…) I put it to you thusly…the shit you took this morning (or wish you could have) is on its way down the drain and into the system; depending on where you live it will be gotten rid of in any number of venues in a variety of ways, about half of them illegal and none of them good, when what should be done with the shit is to burn it in furnaces – there’s no end to the shit in this world so there’d always be plenty; shit happens yes, but shit burns too and puts out some pretty steep BTUs…well, enough of this shit, I’m just saying it’s reusable and a good source of energy…doesn’t mean you have to toddle over to the specialized dumpster every couple of days with a blivet in your hand…instead of flushing the shit down the drain send it straight to hell, to the furnace, be done with it…into the furnace…toilet to furnace, and a blivet in case you’ve been living under a rock is ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag…enough of this…where was I…o yeah…